For the record: I don't smoke. But, I'm a lousy dreamer.
Off late, the only craving I have is to go for a light. Seriously speaking, I have never felt an urge as strong as this one to smoke. The fact that I am writing about it, is for my own way of dealing with the craving, you could say. So, what's the harm, besides a badly done lung few years down the line? You might think it's slipping into self-preaching tactics, because normally, smoking isn't such a big deal. You either smoke, or you don't. Period.
Then, there is this urge. Jesus! Last night, right before sleeping off, I kept imagining the places where I could smoke peacefully. For that, I would need to also keep a pack somewhere with me, take an off from work, go out, unwind and relax. But, here I am, in full sanity, writing about it. The work pressure is immense, and there is no other way of telling it. Somewhere, as much as I would like to curse fortune for stealing all the cookies, I get time to think deeply about what exactly went wrong and when. Why escape cicumstances?
For reasons known best to me, I had all plans of shoving away any job I had after two years of service and re-start academics. A-C-A-D-E-M-I-C-S. The word stays on the tongue, before falling off into the trash bin, like everything else.
Somewhere along the road, I lost the map. It's as simple as that. It seems that a traveller has now found a resting place without any way forward. A stalemate and a check mate! It was not a chase, to begin with, but silently, the fears have crept up from the past and have begun their torment. In plain and simple words, I am stuck in a go-between situation.
Searching...searching....will go on searching...
4 comments:
I told you... you need to unwind! Don't smoke... but then, don't be this way!
If someone read your last 3 posts back to back and then this one... wud come running to give you a hug and say, I am there... around if you need!
I would've done that had we not been where we are right now!
aww geez! had we not been where we are, i probably would have felt better anyway ! but thanks a ton
lovely :) i could hear your voice in my head as i read the blog post. ciggy cravings in someone who doesnt smoke...thats a new one! my plans were EXACTLY the same, a few years of job, quit, academics. with my 30th year looming large, ive COMPLETELY lost the plot. youre just 24. you could mope for 2 years, and yet have time to choose an alternate course.
I've done it. Shoved a job that I had for two years, for Academics. Ya thats right.
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