Memory does strange things to stranger people like me

For every wrong doe, do a right.
For long, I've had these expectations from myself to look over the past and turn a new page. Again, a soul-searching exercise, for the better or for the worst. I came prepared for the worst, but I wouldn't have been so under-prepared, as I actually turned out to be. I still mourn and sulk and belittle the whole thing. What thing? I don't want to say. I tried approaching the whole issue from a different perspective, a new one, I would say. So, after a lot of deliberation, I asked the very person about life, leanings, and so on, hoping to get something out for my own liberation. It did not work. It did not work, because it could not have worked. Life goes on despite a lot of wrongs. It goes on, cos' if it didn't, everything would cease to make any sense. In fact, the very thought that I am unable to tide over the past proves it that insanity is in keeping the pain inside. My gut tells me to do the right thing to the wrong one. It's something I can't control. I have to hold on to every little scrap of hope I got within me to get rid of this gap inside. I have to fill it somehow. Somehow, leave it all behind, start afresh. Start like a new day. The more I tell myself this, the better it feels from inside. The better the voice becomes inside. It is just amazing how some words can turn into persisting thoughts and alter everything. I just feel impatient and restless. Restlessness, someone once said, is good. It keeps one on the toes. Life goes on....goes on...and, goes on.
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I did not wish to edit this since this was straight from the heart, and whatever comes out from there is truth.
But...
Did I say all this? Wow..it's been over a month since I wrote this, maybe I was saving it for a rainy day like this one. I really need to find myself amidst all the superficialities I treat myself with all the time. There has to be a moment of reckoning.

Sometimes I feel hard done by, curse everything around me. But, that isn't true. Like Keats once said, "Fled is that music: do I wake or sleep?"

I miss the good things life offered once upon a time, not that good things have stopped coming my way. But, it isn't the same anymore. *Sneeze*
I think taking everything as a finality is wearing me out. Life moves on with every second ticking on the clock. Things are on the go. If that is so hard to accept, nothing will ever be easy.

Like leftovers, I keep subjecting my mind to the past, as if things can be re-lived in totality, and life will freeze. I feel the nice air outside, and cringe at the very thought of life freezing in one moment. So, there is hope left after all! I am not all that crazy in the head I sometimes feel I am!

These mad rumblings will make complete sense to me one day. By then I HOPE I would have learnt my lessons, and lived a life well-loved.